Nov 05 2009
how do you get through to them
I remember my mom saying ‘I feel like I’m talking to the wall’ and most days I feel the same way. Why do our children not hear or retain what we say? Do they mean to be rude or attention defiant? When my son was about four I found and read a book called “How to Talk So Kids Will Listen and Listen So Kids Will Talk” by Adele Faber, Elaine Mazlish, Elaine Mazlish, Kimberly Ann Coe (Illustrator), Elaine Mazlish. It was without a doubt the most thought provoking book I had ever read. I was so excited by what I had read and learned I immediatly began to implement my new skills. The idea of using different means of communication was one I liked. One morning my son left his towel on the bathroom floor yet AGAIN. I was so fed up with telling him to pick up his towel off the bathroom floor so one morning I left a note on his bedroom door which read ‘you left your towel on the bathroom floor’. This got his attention immediately after he left his room. He ran into my room, ‘mom there is a not on my door, what does it say?’ I suggested we read it together and we sat on the couch and I read it to him. He scampered off the couch and off he went to do what I assumed was picking up his towel therefore I assumed the issue was resolved and went about my day. Later on as I passed by my bedroom door I noticed a piece of paper taped to my bedroom door with some scribble on it. I took the piece of paper and went in search of my son. We read the note together and the translation according to my 4 year old was ’so pick it up’. My son was beside himself with giggles and I couldn’t help but laugh and while not entirely a success I was happy to get him to think in a different way rather than just once again learning to tune out the sound of my voice. The next morning he did actually pick up his towel. I often try to shake things up to get my children’s attention. If they leave something laying around after I have asked them to put something away, I will ‘put it away’ for them. One morning my son neglected to put his pjs away leaving them balled up on the bathroom floor so when he returned home from school he found them hanging from the flower basket out front. Now while it’s not the look I would have preferred for my house and may seem extreme, it got his attention and when he berated me I pleaded innocence and said if he didnt’ know where they went how was I supposed to know. Sure it may be preceived as extreme but I did get his attention. I try to shake things up and not be too pretictable. Consistency is important to children however over time the same thing is easy to tune out. Like that painting you bought, one day loved and adored and now walk by with barely a glance. My advice, don’t be afraid to try different venues of communication and have some fun with it. Your children are not as fragile as you make think and who says we always have to be big bummers or ‘lame’.
